Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
