piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
