hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This baby is an asshole
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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