the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pappa wants mamma naked
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
