Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
