Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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