Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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