The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
