Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
