It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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