I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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