Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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