you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
