the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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