Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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