I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come share oat with me in your robe
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
