it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
