dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
