My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
