I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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