The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
