Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
