Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
