He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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