There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
