just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
