Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
