Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
