Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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