My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
