Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
