if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
