ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize