My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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