i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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