I hope mine doesn't look like that
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize