apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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