He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
