the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
