Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
