I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
