God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
