obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
