And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
