I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
