Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
