you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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