I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
