You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
