false alarm. still invincible.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
