she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize