A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
false alarm, still single
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
