i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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