Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
