so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
