3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
