don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
