Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
