Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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