Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
