I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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