you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
