SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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