Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
