Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
