I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
