she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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