first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
someone owes me an orgasm
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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