My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
