Quick, to the slutcave!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
