Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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