Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
