Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
