Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
