Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
