What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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