Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize