I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
