I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
