i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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