Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
