Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize