well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
