She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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