She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
