lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize