Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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