nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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