Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
soo... how was my night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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