they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
