i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
