i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
