Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
