I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize