dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
