Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We need a shit load of segways right now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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