my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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