it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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