Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize