OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the day after is always just damage control
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
