sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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