Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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