I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
