There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
