i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
