Fuck appropriateness.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
