You can't special order awesome
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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