Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wish there were birth control emojis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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